The Nigerian

It was a slow day at the office when Zaia received an email from some guy who wanted to buy all sorts of software, about $20K worth. It was immediately apparent that something was amiss because the mixing and matching of the software he did would not happen and the name on the email didn’t match the email address. But what the hell, Zaia was bored and needed to play so he fires off a quote.

Later that day another email arrives agreeing to purchase the software and as we take credit card payments he would provide us with the information but first he had a little problem with the Missus. It seems that they had an argument and the only way he felt he could make it up to her was to get her and her son a cell phone.

The first email address indicated that it was from the UK whereas this one was from Nigeria. Well if we were in any doubt about this being bogus we were now 100% sure it was but what’s the harm in playing along. So Zaia emails back and says sure we can get the phones and send you the software once we get the credit card info.

So the next day another email arrives with all of the credit card info and the make and model of the phones he wants sent and assures us that we would be able to readily find them at our local Wal-Mart. Well if we were willing to go along up to this point, which we weren’t, we sure as hell weren’t going to buy anything from Wal-Mart. Historians will look back at this era and point to the Walmartization as being the beginning of the downfall of America and the world by all  of the cheap junk they produced.

But I digress, this man from Nigeria also made sure to insist that the phones be sent by UPS or FedEx and not by mail as there are many thieves in his country. He was also very generous to give us an extra $200 for shipping and handling.

Well the first thing I needed to find out was whether the two credit cards he gave us were actually valid cards and not just bogus numbers, which I did and I also found out that the one only had a small credit limit but the other would have accepted the over $20K purchase. Now the Nigerian didn’t mention anything more about his software needs buy hey we remembered.

So I proceeded to contact the banks that held the cards and had them cancelled and let them know what the circumstances were. But we didn’t have to stop this amusing game so soon. So Zaia fires off an email confirming that the software and the phones are on their way and he should get them on a couple of days. The next day not only do we get an email, we also get a phone call requesting the tracking number so that he can follow the progress of his valuable shipment once again reiterating that there are so many thieves in Nigeria.

Zaia waits until the end of the day to send an email letting the guy know that someone in the shipping department made a stupid mistake and instead of shipping the order by courier it had instead been sent by mail. A thousand apologies but he should be getting the package in a week so, let us know that it got there.

So a week goes by and we get an email and a phone message indicating that the package has still not arrived. So we say wait another couple of days. This turns into another week and the messages are still coming asking about the package. We start to consider ignoring them but instead I come up with the ultimate final blow. We write him an email telling him that the package had been returned to our office and he was right there really are a lot of thieves in Nigeria because the package had been ripped open and the contents were gone!