Since my earliest childhood I have had dreams of trying to escape the home I grew up in. These dreams began with me desperately trying to escape through my bedroom window. If, over time, I was able to get through the window, my next hurdle would be to escape the backyard. Eventually I was able to get over the fence, then over many more months and years I would make it all the way down the alley and my first choice would be to go west up 66th Ave.
This would then lead into Glenmore Park where I would desperately try to fly away. Sometimes I managed to head north up 37th Ave. but the intersection at Glenmore would always seem to be impenetrable. Over time I tried to head east down 66th Ave. and once I was faced with the intersection with Crowchild, I would try to go south into the park, but to no avail.
As the years went by I would be able to venture north on Crowchild Trail past the plaza and towards the exchange with Glenmore. Heading east on Glenmore would inevitably lead to my drowning in the reservoir or at the very least being drawn into a memory of drowning in that body of water in some previous life.
Heading north on Crowchild Trail would never lead very far and as with all of my attempts to escape, I would have to admit defeat and make the long walk back home. This return trip was filled with anguish beyond just being defeated but having to try and try again to escape that house.
I haven’t had this dream in decades until the other night. In this version, I had made it to the corner of 66th Ave and Crowchild Trail but failure seemed to be my fate so I turned back towards my old home. As I passed the first block a couple of ravens joined me, circling above. The next block a few more ravens joined in. By the time I got to the alley before our crescent, the flock of ravens had darkened the sky and the intensity of their circling caused a hail storm. I could not take another step from the sheer volume of hail raining down on me all the while the sky dark with ravens would not relent.
It was at this moment that I was jolted awake by the emotional trauma I felt. I lay awake crying and trying to reassure myself that it was just a dream. But I was confused by what my mind was trying to tell me with the ravens as I do not see them as a negative, quite the opposite. I took a moment to ponder this and it flashed into my head that what these ravens were doing for me was actually, enormously positive, not the negative I woke up being overwhelmed by. In their actions, they prevented me from returning to that home. Which told me that there were now forces in my life that would never let me go back to that place in my emotional memory. I was protected.